I've been home for a few days now and it is shocking to me that I didn't manage to wake up until 12:04pm. I had great intentions last night. I set 4 separate alarms and put my phone out of arms-reach. Somehow I still managed to turn off all the alarms and sleep through them. I am desperately hoping that this gets better by tomorrow, where I will be making an appearance at lunch time at my old school to turn in my timesheet.
Enough of that rant, I am now moving on to my topic of the day (although you might have noticed by now that I enjoy tangents). I was talking to one of my close friends, Kathleen, about how she wanted to move out of Chicago and live somewhere else, maybe Europe. She is trying to move to Denver (which I am fully behind!), and has found the same problems as many of us. The older we get the more difficult it is to change your situation. Right out of college it was easy. I had no strings, barely any possessions, and no commitments. I moved to a foreign country and was ready to do anything. I look back at young me a little enviously sometimes. I know it was only 3 years ago, but right now I would not want to live in someone else's home. I love having my own space and freedom. Once you get a taste of something a bit better, it makes it all the more difficult to move back.
Take for example my and Paul's honeymoon. We had been sleeping on a king size bed and had the treehouse to ourselves. Other than a few hotel visits here and there, I have never slept on a king-sized bed for an extended amount of time. This 2 weeks was amazing (and necessary). It was the longest I had gone without snuggling, but it was so hot and sticky, and we were constantly covered in Deet. We each needed our own space to sleep, and our king provided that space. Then we arrived back at home. Home sweet home. I looked at our bed and almost laughed. We still sleep on a full-sized bed. The first night of sleeping I elbowed Paul in the face just above the eye. I was shocked he was sleeping so near to me and was confused as to where we were. It took me a few seconds to get my bearings, apologize, then go back to sleep. Now every night I get into bed and remark about how small our bed is. We got a taste of the king size and it is hard to go back. We have readjusted over the few days we have been home, but everyday when I get up (before Paul), I come back in to find that he has confiscated the entire bed. I can't say I blame him. I suppose we know the size of our bed when we move next.
This is one of the reasons we are keeping on flatmates while we live in Switzerland. We could afford to live here alone, but why would we? We like our flatmates, and in the span of three years we will have saved over 60K from having flatmates. I am afraid, however, that as soon as we live alone, there will be no going back. I will enjoy the freedom to leave our things wherever we want, not worry about putting on a robe if I need to grab something at night, and not worrying about talking late at night. We are night owls and always worried about waking others so we keep the TV turned down and whisper. If we lived alone it would just be us. I am very excited for this time in our life, but I know that time is not now. Now we are saving for our future and enjoying the company of our friends. Because we don't know any better, it is really not a problem.
Another thing I do not understand is earning a steady, decent salary. This next year may change me, but until now I have never earned a solid, decent salary. As a nanny I earned about $600 a month. I didn't pay room and board so I saved all this money every month. The following year I worked as an Americorps volunteer and earned a whopping $850 a month. I thought I was making big bucks. This year as a nanny I was making just over 1.5K a month. After 2 months I decided that job was not for me, so I started working for FTA. This online school pays hourly, and I was earning more than I had ever in my life. The funny thing is, people who make a REAL salary in Switzerland would laugh at me. I make in months what they make in days. The key is that I don't know any better. Don't get me wrong, I know that people, especially in banking, make a lot more money than me. But I have never made more money. So even with my modest earnings, I feel rich as a queen. I almost don't want to move forward because then it would be difficult to go back. I still appreciate every dollar I earn, and I feel that is so important. This next year I start as a full time preschool/4th grade/6th grade teacher. And a part-time online teacher/curriculum designer. And a part time tutor. And a grad student. Maybe what I need to learn the value of is time.
Time is such a funny thing. It absolutely slips through my fingers. I know it is slipping through my fingers and I can't make it stop. This little honeymoon we had helped me to understand how important time with my husband is. Last year I was a workaholic and had a lot of trouble taking time off. This is the trouble of working from home. I feel like there is always more to do. But after 3 weeks without me, everything was still chugging along fine. This reminds me that I should enjoy each day more fully. I should spend more time on me, and on Paul. I have gotten a taste of what it is like to have some time to myself and I can't go back. Maybe this means I will be slightly less productive online next year. Well so be it. I think I will have a higher quality of life.
It is 23:49 and obviously my jet-lag is not getting any better. I suppose it is time to head to bed and try to get some sleep. What in your life do you have that you wouldn't give up? Would you ever be willing to give everything up to get your dream? Think carefully about that, because it is never as easy, smooth and comfortable as you think. Until the next blog - goodnight :)
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