“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.”
This struck me specifically because this year is even busier than the last, and if you knew me last year, you would know I was already VERY busy. How could I find even more things to do? I tell myself it's in my nature. My parents are doers. They find it difficult to sit around doing nothing. They are "retired" (HAH), which means they are among the busiest people I know. Dad volunteers most of his time to AYSO, building their websites and training new recruits and Mom is busy helping other people, quilting, and planning upcoming trips. This is just the tip of the iceberg for them. And then I think, will my life always be this busy? Am I destined for a life jam packed of commitments?
Part of it is my own fault, I will admit that. It is not just destiny. I have a problem with doing nothing. What do normal people do when they're not working? Sure I have plenty of hobbies, and I definitely indulge in those. I leave time for drawing and music and baking during the week and on the weekends, but I can't do it all day. I love to travel, but I also love to sleep in my own bed and follow a routine. And yet, as much as I absolutely love teaching (and I am not lying here, I LOVE teaching), I always look forward to the next holiday. I count the weeks, then the days, then the hours. I daydream about the mornings I can lay in bed and relax, not stressed about the next lesson, the things to grade, the objectives for each students, monitoring student progress, updating my website.... the list goes on and on. I think about teaching all the time - when I wake up, on the bus, between class, in classes, during lunch, while running, before bed. It seems like my job is absolutely never ending. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing, but then when I read a quote like the one above, I think to myself, why do I feel the need to escape? Why is it that every Sunday evening I have a pit of dread in the bottom of my stomach. I know what's coming. And every second it creeps closer and I get more and more anxious. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? It's MONDAY. The first day of a long work week, of more stress and exhaustion and work work work. And then I count. 11 more days until the next holiday. Now 10 days and 23 hours...
Then I ask myself, why have I set up a life where I am always wondering when the next vacation is, or just holding out for the weekend? Why have I put myself in a position where I dread Sunday evenings because they turn into Monday? But then I also think, I'm not alone, am I? Most people enjoy their free time more than their work time. Even when you enjoy your work, you must enjoy your time off more, because it's YOUR time, and no one else's. But you can't spend all your time sleeping in and doing whatever you want. If you do, (and this really applies to me), you'd be bored, broke, and floating around life aimlessly. You need a balance, don't you? Between the stress and the free. You can't have happiness if you have never known sadness. So maybe I need the work, to appreciate the free time even more. I remember back when I was looking for a job in Switzerland and I was going crazy. I hated staying home all day, and I longed to have a real teaching job. Well the grass is always greener, isn't it? A little bit of work, a little bit of rest, it's just finding the good balance. I guess I haven't quite gotten there yet, when the prospect of working just a little bit harder means saving a bit more for our future. Tricky tricky. How do you handle this dilemma? Work more now, enjoy more later? Balance now and deal with it later? I just don't know.
