Settling In: Month 2 with Eleanor

Now two months into mommy-hood, and I have come to several realizations. First, I completely understand what everyone was talking about when they tell you that you'll love this little person more than you know. I somehow manage to love her a little more every day as she grows and changes. Second, I don't find her crying annoying, instead I want to find out the problem and fix it and help her feel good again. I'm happy to walk around at all hours of the day with her in a sling if it soothes her, talk to her non-stop about what I'm doing and seeing if it helps her development, and wake up several times at night to be sure her tiny tummy is filled. I stare in wonder at this tiny person and think: I made this! I'm responsible for this! It's both exhilarating and terrifying. 

For the first few weeks of her life, Eleanor slept nearly all day and all night. It was all I could do not the poke her awake to get some interaction and see those huge baby blues. Around week 5, she was awake a bit more during the day and we started to read books, set a bedtime routine, and take long walks. I originally had ambitions to sign her up for several stimulating classes and engage in weekly lunch dates with friends. And although she can fall asleep in a carseat or stroller, her naps when I'm out and about aren't as deep or restorative as when she gets a good long 3 hour nap on my chest at home and wakes up on her own cheery and smiley. 

And so I've decided these first few months when Eleanor is a newborn and sleeping most of the time, our days are best spent just settling in. She is my first, and never again will I get day-long cuddles where I have nothing that needs doing besides holding her, feeding her and caring for her. I decided to wait on signing up for classes or meet-ups until she has more of a schedule and can stay awake for longer periods of time. We take walks together to get out of the house and run errands occasionally, but mostly we're just savoring these important moments. Every day she grows and changes a little more. Just the other day she squealed with delight at hitting a hanging animal on her bouncer and I soaked it in. Her babbling is getting more varied and I love our "conversations". When awake, her large, saucer like eyes are constantly looking, learning and absorbing the world. It is incredible to watch.

 

Summer babies are the best for taking walks

What brought about this idea of just 'settling in' for me was at her 6 week check Eleanor was struggling to gain weight because of the harness she is in for her hip dysplasia. I was passionate about continuing to breastfeed so a dear friend recommended we just settle in, stay home, and focus 100% on her. I agreed, and we did tons of skin-to-skin as she spent her days snuggling on my chest, feeding in her sleep happy and content and I watched movies. In two days she gained 100 grams! And amazingly I didn't feel the least bit guilty about the dishes in the sink or not running off to exercise every evening. I even let go of my expectations to try to drop the "baby weight" and go back to eating 100% healthy. My maternity jeans are comfortable, the chocolate is delicious and she doesn't care what I look like. There will be time for all of that later when she's older and needs me less. But right now? She is 100% reliant on me and Paul to do everything for her so she is where I will put my energy and time

 

Snuggling and sleeping

Really, what do babies need when they are this young? They need love, someone to feed and care for them, sleep and lots of talking and interaction when awake. Does she need a baby sensory class yet? Not really, as everything in our house and our yard is already stimulating. Eventually she will get older and I look forward to taking advantage of these opportunities, but now cuddles are my number one priority. 

First Weeks of Motherhood

Since the day I shared our exciting news with the world, I have been bombarded with well-meaning advice and warnings. These ranged from, "You'll never sleep again!" (definitely an exaggeration) to, "You're whole life is going to change" (duh) and a million others. So I braced myself, especially for these first few weeks when Eleanor joined us at home and prepared for the absolute worst. Imagine my surprise when I actually slept better with Ellie in our room than I had when I was pregnant. Instead of waking up every time I turned over and every hour to empty my bladder, I was only woken up every three hours or so to feed and cuddle her back to sleep. I've tried to sleep when she sleeps and all-in-all I feel relatively well rested and prepared to take on each day. Things have been far from the terrible nightmare mess that everyone seemed to think it would be.

Newborns sleep... a LOT. This meant our little sweetie has spent the majority of the days and nights in the past two weeks asleep. With our parents (now Ellie's grandparents!) around, she mostly napped on them but she seemed just as content to nap in her bassinet. During many of her sleeping periods I dressed her up in adorable outfits and took pictures - because I could! I also had time to work on her baby book, enjoy sunshine in our garden, edit said photos and many more things. 

Along with sleeping a lot, Eleanor spent several evenings cluster feeding non-stop for several hours. As I am exclusively breastfeeding, that means she needs me for all that time. Instead of being frustrated or saying that there's no way she can be hungry again, I just feed her as soon as she shows hunger signs and put on a movie (or two!). Eleanor had lost 11% of her birthweight at the beginning and I was determined she would gain it back. With her being jaundiced, she preferred to sleep instead of eat, and it was quite a task to keep her awake!

We've had a few outings since Eleanor was born, but with my recovery from the c-section and establishing my supply for breastfeeding as a priority, these trips were short and close to home. Our first trip was to gymnastics (5 minutes away), to say hello to a few friends. Our next, and first real trip was to a shopping centre nearby for lunch and a bit of dress shopping (for her, not for me!). We weren't quite quick enough shopping as she ended up needing to eat just as we packed her up to go home. So I pulled out my breastfeeding pillow and told Paul and my dad to go entertain themselves for half an hour. There was no need for them to wait in the car while she ate! Halfway through feeding she got really fussy and I decided to change her before we finished the feed. I pulled out the diaper bag and got ready to change her in the backseat. I opened up her diaper and... projectile poo! All the way out of the car and down my leg and covering her diaper bag! Well done, Eleanor! Without a change of clothes, I finished changing her then climbed back into the car to finish feeding. Finally Paul and my dad returned so we could head home and I could change into a pair of less poo-covered trousers. That night Eleanor projectile pooped all over Paul and the nursery, so both of us had a taste of new parenthood. 

Poo all over the nursery!

 So yes, life has changed, but in a wonderful way. And I'm sure there will be many sleepless nights ahead of us, but at least for now things are holding steady. Paul and I are quite a team, with me feeding our little one and Paul becoming a burp and changing master. We share snuggles during the day and we tag team nights so I can get uninterrupted sleep early on while he feeds her a bottle.  I take Eleanor out of the bedroom in the morning so Paul can catch up on some uninterrupted sleep. I am not looking forward to Paul being back to work but at least he's just a shout away if I desperately need him.

One of the pieces of advice that I heard a lot is to enjoy every moment and not wish them away. This is a piece of advice that I wholeheartedly agree with. She'll only be this little once and so I am soaking in every cuddle, every sound and movement and facial expression. I've taken a thousand pictures and videos and I'm sure I'll take a thousand more. I let her nap on me and breathe her newborn scent in deeply and I don't even feel the least bit guilty about it. There is nothing more important than taking care of my baby and helping her grow and thrive. This is my job now, and it's the best job in the world.

All her adorable little parts!