Settling In: Month 2 with Eleanor

Now two months into mommy-hood, and I have come to several realizations. First, I completely understand what everyone was talking about when they tell you that you'll love this little person more than you know. I somehow manage to love her a little more every day as she grows and changes. Second, I don't find her crying annoying, instead I want to find out the problem and fix it and help her feel good again. I'm happy to walk around at all hours of the day with her in a sling if it soothes her, talk to her non-stop about what I'm doing and seeing if it helps her development, and wake up several times at night to be sure her tiny tummy is filled. I stare in wonder at this tiny person and think: I made this! I'm responsible for this! It's both exhilarating and terrifying. 

For the first few weeks of her life, Eleanor slept nearly all day and all night. It was all I could do not the poke her awake to get some interaction and see those huge baby blues. Around week 5, she was awake a bit more during the day and we started to read books, set a bedtime routine, and take long walks. I originally had ambitions to sign her up for several stimulating classes and engage in weekly lunch dates with friends. And although she can fall asleep in a carseat or stroller, her naps when I'm out and about aren't as deep or restorative as when she gets a good long 3 hour nap on my chest at home and wakes up on her own cheery and smiley. 

And so I've decided these first few months when Eleanor is a newborn and sleeping most of the time, our days are best spent just settling in. She is my first, and never again will I get day-long cuddles where I have nothing that needs doing besides holding her, feeding her and caring for her. I decided to wait on signing up for classes or meet-ups until she has more of a schedule and can stay awake for longer periods of time. We take walks together to get out of the house and run errands occasionally, but mostly we're just savoring these important moments. Every day she grows and changes a little more. Just the other day she squealed with delight at hitting a hanging animal on her bouncer and I soaked it in. Her babbling is getting more varied and I love our "conversations". When awake, her large, saucer like eyes are constantly looking, learning and absorbing the world. It is incredible to watch.

 

Summer babies are the best for taking walks

What brought about this idea of just 'settling in' for me was at her 6 week check Eleanor was struggling to gain weight because of the harness she is in for her hip dysplasia. I was passionate about continuing to breastfeed so a dear friend recommended we just settle in, stay home, and focus 100% on her. I agreed, and we did tons of skin-to-skin as she spent her days snuggling on my chest, feeding in her sleep happy and content and I watched movies. In two days she gained 100 grams! And amazingly I didn't feel the least bit guilty about the dishes in the sink or not running off to exercise every evening. I even let go of my expectations to try to drop the "baby weight" and go back to eating 100% healthy. My maternity jeans are comfortable, the chocolate is delicious and she doesn't care what I look like. There will be time for all of that later when she's older and needs me less. But right now? She is 100% reliant on me and Paul to do everything for her so she is where I will put my energy and time

 

Snuggling and sleeping

Really, what do babies need when they are this young? They need love, someone to feed and care for them, sleep and lots of talking and interaction when awake. Does she need a baby sensory class yet? Not really, as everything in our house and our yard is already stimulating. Eventually she will get older and I look forward to taking advantage of these opportunities, but now cuddles are my number one priority. 

Welcome Eleanor Rose - A Birth Story

Warning: This is my birth story - if you don't want to read about the exciting, painful, messy process of giving birth, then skip this one. It might have a few too many gory details for you!

Everyone always says that you'll know your in labor when it begins. Well mine started out more as a question mark than anything else. On Tuesday, July 5th at 3:30pm I was laying on the couch watching TV when I felt cramp-like tightenings in my abdomen. It wasn't anything dramatic, just noticeable. I know that many women have stronger Braxton-Hicks and false contractions near the end of their labor so I didn't want to get too excited yet. I decided to keep my plans and go to my yoga class in Edinburgh. I drove the half an hour into town, breathing through 3 tightenings in 30 minutes. They were distracting, but manageable. By the time I arrived in class, I was sweating, walking on my tip toes, and needing to stop and sway and breathe through each tightening about ever 5 minutes. I didn't do much in class, but it a wonderful way to begin the early stages of labor. I decided it wouldn't be safe for me to drive home so I had Paul take a cab out to meet me. 

As labor can take so long, we decided to go to Costco to pick up some last minute groceries. I used the cart to breathe through the tightenings and other than walking slowly, I wasn't being impeded much. I know that being upright and moving is good for labor so I wasn't worried about being out and about. 

We got home and I let my parents know I thought I was in early labor, but not to worry I knew it could take a very long time.

We started timing the contractions just to get a gauge on what was happening. They were coming every 3 and a half minutes and lasting about 45 seconds, so we called the midwife while I tried to scarf down some food. I knew once it got going it might be hard to really eat! The midwife told me to call back when my contractions were 3 minutes apart, lasting for a minute each and that pattern continued for 3 hours. I told her that I planned on a warm bath, my TENS machine and maybe a funny movie and to stay at home as long as possible. She agreed this was the best choice, and I went about my business. The bath was soothing as I began using my hypnobirthing CD and positive affirmations. I got out and Paul helped me with my TENS machine and I tried (and failed!) to work through the contractions laying down to rest. Instead I needed to be standing, rocking, squatting, and moving. I tried my birth ball (I hated it!) but preferred laying with my head on the bed and standing. I watched Pitch Perfect, zoning out every 3 minutes or so to breathe - count of 4 in, count of 4 out. Working with my body. Picturing opening, embracing and working through each one. I encouraged Paul to get some rest - who knew how long this would take? 

By 2:15 I had been having regular contractions every 3 minutes lasting for a minute (or sometimes more) so I tip-toed downstairs and called the midwife. Although I agreed that I could probably stay home longer, I was struggling to work through the contractions while sitting and we had a 15/20 minute drive to the hospital. If we waiting too long, we could end up in morning traffic and the sitting while contracting would have been very stressful. They agreed I should come in, so I woke Paul up and we packed up the car and headed out.

On the way to the hospital, we saw a fire by the side of the road! We decided to pull over and check it out, as it is near a very large, dry field. It was an electrical fire, and it was spreading, so Paul called the fire brigade, notified them about it, and then we continued on our way.

We arrived at the Edinburgh Royal Birth Centre about 3:15, and they took me to my birthing suite. It was a large, lovely room with a big pool and lots of other useful things such as bean bags and birth balls and mats and an ensuite bathroom. They gave me my first exam and I was already 5cm dilated, but my waters hadn't broken and the sac was bulging through my cervix. I was so pleased with myself, and asked to get in the bath. We put on my hypnobirthing tracks and I urged Paul to get more sleep so he could be awake and energetic for the end. I felt calm and floating through the contractions, as they got stronger, but further apart. I started to worry that the bath was slowing down my labor, and the midwife said my temperature and pulse were too high (because of the hot bath). I got out to labor standing up, using the same posture as before of leaning over the bed. They let me labor on my own and work through the contractions with my hypnobirthing for another 7 hours before the next check at 10:15. The contractions had gotten closer together again and increased in intensity. This check showed I was only dilated to 7cm and they suspected because the baby's head was not putting the needed pressure on my cervix to help it dilate. I agreed to having my waters broken which they did quickly and painlessly. 

They allowed me to labor for another 7 hours without disruption, only now I had a midwife and student midwife in the room near constantly monitoring me. I was still using breathing and hypnobirthing, but the pain was increasing and the contractions were much longer so I asked to try the gas and air. This helped take the edge of and reminded me to breathe, but also made me violently sick and I was throwing up after every contractions. The contractions then increased sharply in intensity and began doubling, one after another without rest. I pushed on, having moments of doubt and feeling like I needed to know how much longer. I needed an end-point, just like all of my races. I couldn't see the finish line so I didn't know if I could make it. I remember looking at Paul and saying, "I can't do this!" and the midwives and Paul saying, "You ARE doing it!" The sensations, the pain, was exponentially more than anything I had experienced but I still knew that each one brought me closer to meeting my baby. I tried to remind myself that they could not be stronger than me - this was MY body making the contractions, they WERE me, they weren't stronger than me. Several times I felt like I would explode with the pain, that there was no way I could make it through the end of that contractions. All you mamas out there know what I'm talking about!

About 5:00 they checked me again - I was still at 7cm with no progress. The midwife said that we needed to put me on a drip to move on labor and that I'd have to be transferred to the labor ward. I turned to Paul that moment and told him I needed an epidural - I had made it this far and I was so disappointed, but I knew the drip would make what was already nearly unbearable even more so. They whisked me into a wheelchair, gathered my things and brought me upstairs. An anesthesiologists came in to give me the epidural and asked me to stay completely still through the contractions. They monitored me and the baby for about 30 minutes, when a midwife came back to tell me that the baby was in distress and had an erratic heartbeat. After several consultations they decided that the baby would not cope with continued labor and that I would need an emergency c-section. Although it is not what I wanted, a safe, healthy baby was most important to me. We agreed, signed the papers, and I was told I'd have a baby within 30 minutes. They topped up my epidural with stronger meds for the surgery, took Paul to change into scrubs and whisked me away. 

I'm on a lot of drugs here, as we wait for the moment we become parents. 

I was rolled onto an operating table as the piles of people poured in for the surgery. They started draping me with a cloth when a surgeon poked her head around the cloth and said, "Hello Elizabeth, do you recognize me?" I said no, sorry, and then she introduced herself as one of my student's parents. I immediately realized who she was, and she asked if it was okay to operate on me. I thought it was nice to have someone who personally cared about my progress to be in charge of my surgery. Before they started everyone in the room checked in and said who they are and why they were there. They stated the reason for the surgery, and then began. Paul was next to me, but facing away from my tummy. At 6:15, they pulled the baby out and let Paul see - It was a girl! I couldn't believe it! They cut her cord and took her to a separate table for a check. Within minutes she was on my chest and I was trying to hold her, even though my arms were numb. Paul and I were both crying, we had our precious, perfect little girl. They sewed me up and cleaned up and put Eleanor into a cot and wheeled us out. They gave me the chance to breastfeed and she latched perfectly the first time! 

Meeting Eleanor for the first time.

Our first family picture!

The doctors came out to talk to me about the delivery and how everything went. Overall, there were no complications and everything had gone to plan. Apparently Eleanor had slipped back-to-back and was trying to come out with the side/back of her head. The surgeon said it was a good call to take her out via c-section; she was not going to make it out in her position, and the stress of the labor was too much for her to cope with. I was in labor for 27 hours total and had a perfect, amazing, beautiful little girl to show for it. Eleanor Rose was 8 pounds, 14 ounces and 24 inches long. Her full head of hear and bright eyes make her look just like her daddy. 

 

The next few nights in hospital passed in a blur of feeding, checks, visits, and cuddles. I didn't want to put her down I just wanted to hold her close to me like she had been in my tummy. After two nights in hospital I asked to be released early so I could be home with my family. Eleanor passed all her tests and so did I, so they sent me home. Phew! It was all worth it for my perfect little bundle who continues to amaze me every day. 

 

 

 

Coming home for the first time!