Friends Friends Everywhere

We spend our whole lives when we are children waiting to grow up. We want to get out of school, meet our prince charming, find the perfect job, marry, have kids, take trips, etc. We barely take the time to appreciate what we have as a child: those best friends. Last year I took anther step out of childhood and into adulthood. I married Paul, and I couldn't have asked for a better man. Marriage is.... interesting to say the least. All the advice, warnings, movies, quotes, whatever did not prepare me for the compromising, frustrating, passionate, exciting, heart-stopping, crazy, wild ride that is my life. Marriage IS different than dating, no matter what you think before you get married. When you are dating you can change your mind in a moment and walk away from it all. With marriage you are a bit more tied in. You have to put in the extra effort. You see each other all the time (and in my case at least that is a good thing). But marriage is something indescribable and I am only 1.5 years into it. Who knows where the next 60 years will take us. 

Me and Leslee on her birthday in Costa Rica (2003)

As I have inched slowly towards the grown-up realms of the world via marriage, my friends are one by one joining me. My childhood best friend and sister, Andrea, married the year before I did. It was such a beautiful wedding and I cried through the entire thing (nothing surprising there). My boarding school buddy Leslee chose to marry Liz-Style this year, quick and small with just a few close relatives. Although I couldn't be there because of work and VERY short notice, I was there with her in spirit. I am looking forward to celebrating her marriage this summer. My college friend Tiffany has set a date for her wedding in August (on my mum's birthday!). And then, cherry on top, my friend Kristen has just been proposed to on 11.11.11 at 11:11 (who can forget that date?!) I was overjoyed for her, as I think Kristen and Keven are such a great team. That is 4 of my friends jumping into the deep end in two years. Whoa. Welcome to adulthood.

Me and Andrea doing Ballet/Tap/Jazz together       

Me and Kristen on the Beach 

A few months ago when I realized my soon-to-be married friends were all looking into summer weddings, I realized the other implication of this - three flights back to America for the weddings. It is too much to hope that they will conveniently place them one week after another for me. No, that would be too selfish on my part. And I really love all of them. It would be impossible to miss them. So I firmly decided I would just save up for these flights (plus hotel, plus food, plus transportation, plus the million other little travel costs). Paul gently mentioned that it would be so much easier if I didn't have so many friends.

If you were at my wedding (and you probably were because I know the three people that read this - yes you Mom, Dad and Kathleen, were all definitely there), you know I have a lot of friends. I had 7 bridesmaids and a Jr. Bridesmaid, and I absolutely refused to decrease the numbers. 

Sarah visits me in Denver (2010)

To me each of those special ladies are a part of me, a BIG part. They helped me shape who I am today and they continue to influence my life. They make me happy, they give me strength, they possess qualities that I hope to learn from. So no, I will not surreptitiously decrease my communication with them until we are no longer friends.

Erin and I travel to Istanbul (2009)

Yes, friends can drain your energy, take your time, complain, and sometimes be very expensive. But those are not the kinds of friends that I surround myself with (except the expensive part . The people I choose as friends are those people that give back. They add to my life and they make it even more wonderful than before. Every friend I have is a blessing, and there are so many difficult things in this life, why would we cut out the blessings?

Kathleen and I go out in Oxford (2008?)

Like I mentioned earlier, marriage can be a lot of work - you are with the person EVERY DAY, forever and ever. It can take a lot of time to bring them up to speed about your life, beliefs, adventures, thoughts, feelings, interests, even when you think you know them before the big day. But my friends, they are so easy to be with. I slip into my relationships with them like my favorite pajamas. I am comfortable and I know if we don't talk for a week or a month we are still good friends - we just happen to be busy. They know what I loved to do when I was 5 years old, the awkward co-rec dances when I was 12. They remember my first high school boyfriend, my college spring break trip, my senior binge. They have been there for a great deal of time - 7, 10, 25 years. This is something that will take Paul another 25 years to achieve, but my childhood friends will still always have a few years on him. He may know me better today, but they know my past. And your past makes you who you are today. For my health and sanity, these friendships are important. 

Alessa and I go Canyoning in
Interlakin (2008)

I say if you can find those people who bring out the best in you, who challenge you to become a better person, who support you in your times of need, who get mad at those jerks that break your heart, who go out on a Monday for drinks so you won't go alone, who make an effort to know the sweet man that you choose to spend your life with, who drunk Skype you even though you have moved halfway around the world just because they miss you, who still send you hand made cards (and a million more wonderful things) ... these are the people you need to hold on the strongest to, with both hands, feet and teeth if needed. Even if it does mean I am 4K poorer this year.... Sometimes you have to make the sacrifices to keep those important people close by.

Tiff and I at a soccer game in Denver, OH (May 5, 2010)

So as we shuffle even further into that strange, adult world, I will keep fighting for these friendships that I have built over decades. I know that the future is coming - more work, kids (someday, a long long way in the future!), houses, pets, trips, and probably a few more weddings (not my weddings at least!)- but above all I know that my friends will be there for me if I need them. And I will be there for them, on their wedding day as they promise their life to another and join the rest of us old married ladies. Oh, and I will probably be crying. Love you and miss you my friends <3