This week was another new start for me. On Monday I started my new job with College Champittet. I am teaching preschool, third, fourth and fifth grade. It is all very exciting, this new job. It is my first REAL teaching position and I am so happy. I am also more busy than I have ever been. Last year, I tutored 6-9 hours a week, worked online 20-30 hours a week, and spent 15-20 hours a week earning my masters. This year, I work 28 hours a week in school as well. Sometimes I worry, where will that time come from? I can't work 90 hours a week, I would be exhausted and burned-out. Something has to give. It can't continue that way.
I read the blog of a teacher of mine from 9 years ago when I attended boarding school. She is raising her first child and her blog is elegant and well written (she was my English teacher after all). Something she said really struck me -
Find the balance between the effort and the ease…
This is something I feel I may have a problem with. Like my teacher, Kerry, I have no problem with the effort part of that saying. I like to work hard and do things well. I like to have a good finished product. I like a job well done. I like to have a finger in every pot, say yes to every opportunity, try everything. The problem is if I put all this effort into a million things then I am out of time and exhausted and good at none of them. I know this, and still I seem unable to make the hard choices that would make my life easier. I need to find the balance between the effort and the ease.
Ease is a very hard concept for me. I do not do well when I am not busy. Last year I was busy working and doing school work. This year, I am busy with much of the same, just even more on my plate than before. Every now and then I have a free hour and I am at a complete loss. What should I do with this relaxing, free time? Then I think I should have planned in a run or a guitar session. Things never seem to come or happen easily.
Actually that last statement is a bit false. One of the most stable and wonderful things I have at this moment is my relationship with my husband. That comes with ease and it is something we must both strive not to take for granted. It feels so normal and right to be with Paul I rarely even think about the fact that we are married. We just ARE. I have to embrace this and be thankful for the time we get together (the very little bits between my work and his).
So where is my balance? On this Sunday night I am taking some time for myself. I am writing, and then going to do a bit of reading before calling it a night. I got to chat to my parents. I wrote thank you notes. I went for a long run (16K) and finished without stopping. I cooked me and Paul a healthy, delicious dinner. The house has been cleaned top to bottom. It is difficult, but balance is such a necessary factor in our daily lives. I just have to keep making the effort to find that balance.
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