A Helping Hand

Winter vacation has begun - and thankfully is not even halfway through. Paul and I have been in Newcastle for 5 days now. I will write more fully about our time here on our way out, but I wanted to share a little peek into our quiet lives. Like most working couples, Paul and I don't get a great deal of alone time, just together, relaxing and enjoying life. One of us is always working on something, and we have two flatmates, so even when we are done working we are not alone. This little week long trip to Newcastle reminds me a bit of our honeymoon. Although we are not in a tree house in Jamaica, hot and sweaty and batting at mosquitos, we are back alone in our own tiny little world. We get to enjoy extended conversations that do not revolve around what is for dinner, what happened at work, and what time we need to get up in the morning. I realize we are way to early in our relationship to fall into bad habits. 


Sometimes it is hard to remember that every day is a day in my life. My life doesn't start when I finish my grad program, or when I finally have just one job, or when winter vacation starts. My life is every single day, and every day builds up to a year. And every year builds up to a life. I have gone for so long changing locations, jobs, friends each year that it is strange that I might stay in one place for an extended amount of time. Minutes turn to hours that turn to days that turn to years. So quickly I can't hold any of it. But I just have to take it one moment at a time. I have to be careful not to let our normal standard of living just get stuck on survive until our next vacation. The lyrics from this Jewel sometimes come into my mind when life get's crazy. 

And you wake up to realize
Your standard of living somehow got stuck on survive
When you're standing in deep water
And you're bailing yourself out with a straw
And when you're drowning in deep water
And you wake up making love to a wall
Well it's these little times that help to remind
It's nothing without love

And now I come to the real point of my post - which, if you have been reading my posts, normally take quite a long time to get to. It has been amazing and refreshing to take a little break with Paul, the man I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with. Just the other day we were laying in bed reading (both of our Kindles occasionally clicking as we turned the pages) and I got an absolute terrible itch. I tried to scratch it, but I just couldn't reach it. After a few seconds of struggling and realizing there was no way I could get at it, I asked my favorite guy to give me a hand. Almost immediately he scratched that bit just on my shoulder blade that was driving me crazy. This reminded me that even in the crazy days of work and school and LIFE, in the end it is most important that I've got that person who will scratch my back when I can't reach, and I will do the same for him. Because in the end, it's good to remember that it's nothing without love <3

Grandparents

Is this heaven? He asks.

Or am I dreaming? I wake up to this delicious breakfast and I am surrounded by four beautiful girls.

He gives the happiest, most content smile. He means his wife, his two daughters and one granddaughter. He looks at me and smiles even bigger.

My heart breaks.

I hold his hand and hug him. I hug him so tight and all I feel the frail man under the layers and layers of clothes that try but fail at keeping him warm. He shivers a little and I hold him tighter.

We watch one of his grandsons marry the love of his life. Then later, in an unheated but beautifully decorated barn, we watch them dance their first dance. I am holding his hand and leaning on his thin shoulder. I think it can’t get better than this. Grandpa smiles at me. It just got better.

I give him a hug goodnight. He looks into my eyes, straight to my heart. I love you so much, he says. I wish I could see you more. I do too, I say. I really mean it.

Sometimes he can’t hear what is going on around him. We talk too fast, too quietly. He looks lost, and left out and I hate that. I want him to be part of everything. I want him to feel surrounded and loved. Sometimes he can hear and he joins in with his witty banter, and it is just like when I was younger. When we played prisoner and he sang with me, and told me stories. Even then, I wasted my time with him. When you are young you don’t realize how important your grandparents are. They are solid, ever loving and maybe not as exciting as children think they should be. But they are filled with wisdom and history and knowledge. You avoid them on the phone and talk to them as little as possible. Then one day you wake up and they are older and you realize time doesn’t wait.

It just tick tick ticks away.

Sometimes grandpa talks about when he met grandma. She was the prettiest girl, he said. She asked to borrow my jokes on the train. Then I went back to her and asked if I could talk to her, because I was lonesome.

I never did read those jokes, grandma adds in. Grandpa smiles at her as if the whole world still revolves around her. Three kids and 68 years of marriage later and he is still hopelessly in love. It is the gold standard. Unless Paul makes it to 97 years of age, we will never be married that long. But I can see the love in my grandpa’s eyes. I even caught grandma smiling once too.

Grandparents are always given the special table – the table closest to the wedding party or to the person of honor. But I also notice that this table is never full. Even at grandpa’s 90^th birthday, his table only had half the seats taken. It almost feels as if they are surrounded by family and friends but no one wants to sit with them. Everyone would rather sit with friends or the younger crowd. Which I get, except that my cousins will most likely still be there next year and we have plenty of time to catch up. I cannot say the same for my grandparents. I wish people would fight to be at the grandparents table.

And now I’m on another plane, heading away from grandma and grandpa. I feel terrible sometimes, for living so far away, I told my cousin. You have to live your life, my cousin replied. I understand that. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling terribly guilty and sad all at once. I want to learn everything about my grandparents. I want to ask them a million questions and I am so afraid I am running out of time. They are part of a generation that lived through World War 2, the Great Depression, the invention of the computer and many other newfangled devices. They have so much to share; they traveled so many places and saw so many things. How I wasted so many years when their memory was good to learn about them. I don’t want to waste any more time. But I live in Switzerland. How do I reconcile that?

I guess I write letters, I call more often, I visit when the opportunity arises.

Is this heaven? He asks again. No grandpa, I respond, not yet. You aren’t getting there for a while.

Then am I dreaming? This is so wonderful, he smiles at me. You aren’t dreaming either grandpa. I smile back and give him the longest, strongest hug I can. I love you grandpa.

I love you too, dear, he says.

My graduation from Miami University 2008

Grandpa Blair's 90th Birthday (Fall, 2009)

Grandma at our celebration - Grandpa wasn't well enough to travel and he was greatly missed (June 2010)

Grandma and Grandpa and Dave and Cassie's Wedding (October 2011)

Family Time

I am back in the international departure lounge at Chicago O'Hare Airport. I have decided this is the absolute worst departure lounge out of anywhere I have ever waited in. There is no Starbucks, there are no restaurants, there are no BARS. There IS a little kiosk that is labeled "Bar", that has a few bottles of not very cold beer. I can also buy Cheezits or trail mix. Whoo hoo. This is what I need for my last few hours in America.


Anyways.


This past weekend was amazing. First, I spent Rosh Hashanah with my Aunt Sunny and Uncle Sherm at their condo in Chicago. We had lots of delicious Jewish food - Challah, Gefilte fish, stew, it was a delicious meal. We were also celebrating my grandma and grandpa's 68th wedding anniversary. Now that is a LONG time to be married to each other. And grandpa is still totally head over heels for grandma. I can only hope Paul and I will end up like that. 

Friday mom and dad and I drove to Lafayette, Indiana to get ready for the wedding the next day. After a futile search for Sushi for lunch, we gave up and headed to our hotel. That evening was the rehearsal dinner and it was so fun to see the cousins again. I forget how great it is to just chat with my cousins who are all older, wiser, and with the same terrible sense of humor as me. My cousin David and I went over to Dave and Cassie's place to spend a bit more time with the bride and groom. By the time we had headed home, David and I found out how much fun it is to drive down a completely unlit country road. Let me tell you, it is NOT fun. But we made it, and that was important.

Before I knew it, it was wedding day! My parents and I with Jasmine (Chris's girlfriend) went on a quick trip to Target. I was overwhelmed and loving it. I bought brown sugar, pumpkin pie mix, cough syrup, a warmer dress and hat, pens, big paper clips, clip boards, duct tape and more things that are not sold in Switzerland. There's nothing like importing office supplies! I bought a warmer dress because I had come to Switzerland with a skanky dress not realizing that the reception would be in an unheated barn. I bought a warm sweater and tights too. I would be prepared for the cold!


Now it was time for lunch, and Sushi! We visited two sushi places, both closed for lunch. I was in despair. Then Jasmine came to the rescue. She used her magic smartphone to find an open Sushi place. It was perfect and made my day. We then rushed home to get ready for the wedding. 


I'll spare you the tale of getting lost on the way to the wedding. But I promise, we did get lost. And we didn't even take a mom short-cut! Luckily we were not the last ones there, and we rushed into our seats. 

Finally grandma and grandpa arrived as well, and the ceremony started. Dave walked grandma down the aisle, and the grandparents were tucked under blankets in the front row. Dave and his groomsmen took their places, then the bridesmaids walked down the aisle. 
















Finally a car carrying Cassie pulled up. She stepped out and looked perfect and glowing. I almost started crying right there. 

She joined Dave at the altar, and the ceremony began. It was the fastest service ever. They exchanged their rings and said their vows - sweet, written heartfelt and funny vows. 

Dave and Cassie have been together in my mind forever. Seven years. Cassie has just always been my cousin - another part of our awesome, crazy, weird family.

  It was so touching to see them put their hearts out there and make it legal. I admit, I cried a few times. As quickly as it started, the service was over and they walked back down the aisle. 

After hugs and pictures, the family and friends headed back up to the barn. It was beautifully decorated with lights, vines, and string balls. The beer and wine was flowing, the music was good, and I got to sit with grandma and grandpa. 

Me and Grandma!

Me and Grandpa

KISS!!! KISS!!!

The cute newlyweds :)

Yep, I have an awesome family

And a super duper mommy

And a fantastic dad

LOVE the cake! Great idea!

After the nonagenarians went home, I got to dance with all my favorite cousins and family. Weddings are such a beautiful celebration of love and family and I am so lucky I got to come and spend time with everyone.

 

When and where will the next wedding be? Hopefully I will be able to come and share my love <3