Every Day is the Same Day

Every day is the same day. Wake up exhausted. Change a nappy. Get everyone dressed. Make breakfast. Clean up breakfast with a crying child at my feet. Stop 50 times to try to distract him, entertain him, make the crying stop. Give up and finish cleaning. Count down every single minute until it's Quentin's first nap. Check my watch a million times. Read the same story over and over again because he's asking for it. Try to play and enjoy it. Fail. Check the time again. 12 minutes. 9 minutes. Almost there. Time to go upstairs and do a nap. Set up Ellie with a task while I'm away so she doesn't get into trouble.

Spend 30 minutes trying to convince my small person to sleep. Finally watch his beautiful eyes flutter shut. Wait five more minutes just in case. Lay him down very, very carefully and stand, awkwardly bent over the cot, with my hands on his back to help ease the transition. I can't feel my left arm or my right leg. Don't move for fear of waking him up. Count to 100. Remove one finger at a time hoping he won't wake up. Sneak out of the room and speed downstairs to make a coffee before Ellie realises I'm there. Have a few precious moments with just one child. Read books, play games, really make the effort to be there in the moment.

Snack time already. Make snacks, clean up snacks. Quentin's screaming - nap time is over. Bring him downstairs and get his snack. Clean up the 20 pieces of mushy, half-eaten pretzel from the nooks and crannies of the high chair, his bib, his hair, the floor. 

Check the time. 10:30 am. How am I going to make it through this day? Check the weather. It's pouring rain but we're going out anyways. I can't stand the four walls around me. 

Wrestle Quentin into his fleece, then his splash suit, then the pram with the rain cover while he screams and writhes. Babies are surprisingly strong. Occasionally shout to check on Ellie's progress of getting ready.

'Use the toilet!' 'Find your wellies!' 'No you can't wear a princess dress!' 

30 minutes later we're all outside in the rain. It's better than inside where I am counting the minutes.

Another walk around the same block, pointing to birds, pointing to dogs, plodding along at the same pace of my very slow 4 year old. 

Check the time. It's 11:30, time to head back for lunch. Ellie hands me a bunch of flowers she's picked. We add it to the collection in our entry way. Suits off, shoes off, wash hands. WASH YOUR HANDS. I say this 10 times before it actually happens.  

Make lunches, feed the kids, clean up lunch. Try to leave the kids playing during prep and clean up but have to go back into the playroom 4,732 times to remind Ellie to share, check on what that crying/whining/screaming is, or why there silence (always worse than when you can hear them). Get Quentin to spit out the wad of tissue paper he's eating. Crawl around on the floor under the dining room table trying to find all the food Ellie dropped so Quentin can't find it and eat it later. 

Check the time. 1:15. Nearly the next nap. My days revolve around naps and snacks and meals and trying to make it to bedtime. I made it yesterday, I can make it today. 

My favourite nap, the one where Ellie plays on her own in 'Quiet Time' and I get a blissful 45-ish minutes to myself. The first time I've had a moment to think or breathe or just be since I woke up. I rock the small one furiously as he is refusing to nap, choosing instead to hit me in the face repeatedly while laughing. I know he's just a baby. I know he's just learning and exploring. I'm frustrated anyways. I NEED this break to make it through the day. I rock and rock and rock until I can't feel either arm and for some reason I can't stop singing nursery rhymes in my head. Finally, he falls asleep. Count to 100. Then another 100. Be sure he's asleep before I put him down or this might break me. Finally he's down and I sneak out and I run for it. What will I do for the 45 minutes of me time? 

Make a cup of tea and drink it while it's hot. Mindlessly scroll on my phone, enjoying the fact that no one needs me for this moment. Try not to check the clock to see my minutes of freedom ticking down.

Second nap is over, now we're in the homestretch. Message neighbours to see if anyone can meet for a play, a walk, a bike ride. Head to the park and work off some energy. Get everyone dressed to go outside again. Get everyone snack again. Clean everyone up again.

Time to make dinner. Something quick and easy and no one will complain about. I don't even like cooking, but people need to eat. Try not to stress about how much/how little everyone is eating. Get up 45 times during the meal to get forgotten milk, water, fork, spoon, balsamic vinegar, butter, cheese, fruit... Cut up Quentin's food into tiny pieces so he won't choke. Check his soup to be sure it's the right temperature. Cut Ellie's chicken into bite-size pieces. Finally sit down to eat my cold food. Send the kids up for bath and clean everything up. Scrape the food that wasn't eaten into the food bin, clean the floors again, wash the trays, wash the pots and pans. 

Bath time. This is finally more calm and fun. Do some splashing, brush teeth, sing silly songs. Check the time. 5 minutes to go. Wash up the small one as he screams bloody murder and signs 'All done' repeatedly. Get him out and pyjamas on and read books. Nearly there, I can do it. Feed him while singing his lullaby and watch him drift off. Hear the big one screaming through the wall, waking up the small one. Excellent. Rock and rock and rock again until he's back to sleep.

Now it's the moment I've been waiting for since I woke up. Both kids are asleep and I finally have the rest of the night to myself. I should call it an early night, but then I'll just have another day, just like today, to get through. These are my precious hours to do the things I actually want to do, to be the person I want to be. Instead of just the cook, cleaner, entertainer, rocker, exhausted, grumpy, tired mum. It's my time to have an uninterrupted conversation with Paul, who I've barely managed to speak to today despite his working from home. So I go to bed too late (again) and wake up exhausted (again) tomorrow. 

And people keep telling me these moments are precious and to enjoy them. And yes, perhaps every day there are 5-10 minutes that are fun or funny or joyful each day. But the days are long and repetitive, thankless and relentless. If those people enjoy those moments so much they can come on over and do the day for me. Or have they forgotten just how awful it is to have small children? Small, exceptionally needy, emotionally and physically. And I'll take from bedtime onwards, in those moments where no one needs me and I can just be me. 

-Written during first lockdown... reread during the second. Whilst the little one is easier and we have help now, I remember. And it's okay to feel this way. Any maybe this might help someone. I hope it does. 

Things I’m good at

Things I’m good at:

Since becoming a mother I am

No longer 

• a distance runner 
• Triathlete
• Artist
• World traveler
• Yogi
• Handstander
• Gymnast
• Friday night out on the town buddy
• Journalist
• Blogger

Now I am an expert in...

• Quiet door opening
• Avoiding the creaks in the floors
• Sign language with my husband so we don’t have to speak 
• Planning meals
• Planning play dates
• Packing and unpacking the bags every day 
• Cutting off crusts, sauce on the side, straw with the milk
• Slowly, slowly, slowly laying my baby down so he doesn’t wake up
• Rocking, bouncing, patting, shushing

Someday I might be an expert in everything again, but not today.

Shhh.... shhh.... shhhh....

Eco Friendly with Baby? Cloth Nappies and Preloved Items!

Any parent will tell you that having children means that the amount of stuff you have in your house increases exponentially. When you first get pregnant, you think - how much stuff could one small person need? The answer: a metric ton. Even just their nappies (diapers) alone is estimated to average about 3,400 in the first year! When Eleanor was in the harness for her hips, we had to use disposable nappies and every week we were filling our rubbish bin to the top. It felt like we were drowning in nappies! And those suckers take an estimated 250-500 YEARS to decompose. Even the biodegradable ones are estimated to take 50 years to breakdown because of the conditions in a landfill. This did not sit well with me. Aside from the mountains of nappies, there is also the never ending stream of new clothes as babies grow so rapidly, the new toys and books to match the developmental stage, And of course, all the other random "stuff" - car seat, stroller, cot, changing table, etc. Where has my living room gone? I can barely see it under all those toys...

So can you be eco-friendly if you have a baby? I think the biggest choice you can make is to use reusable nappies. This not only saves the planet from a huge amount of landfill, but it can also save you lots of money! They are not nearly as difficult as most people believe, and you don't have to be all or nothing. I did a ton of research before E was born, and even then I wasn't sure which brand I wanted to buy. This is not going to be a guide for nappies so if that's what you're into, get researching! Different types of nappies fit different situations and lifestyles so no one nappy is perfect. My best suggestion is to just buy one of a few different types of brands and give them a go and see what works best. We have three types: Bumgenius Flip Diapers, Rumparooz, and TotsBots. The Flip diapers are great because the waterproof outer shell can be reused and the wet inner liner is just "flipped" out in the wet bucket and replaced. This means less washing! Rumparooz are great for on the go because they are stuffed ahead of time and can just be put on like a normal nappy and the same goes for the TotsBots. I bought all of my nappies second hand, gave them a good few washes, and now they are perfect for us. I spent maybe £150 in all for all the nappies and wipes we'll use from 4 months - 3 years. Reusing them for a second baby makes them even more eco friendly and cost effective!

Our first time using the Flips. They looked huge! Cloth wipes shown up by Ellie's head/

Do cloth nappies scare you? A nappy change takes, on average, about 30 seconds longer with a cloth nappy depending on the type. This is because I fit the insert and liner on top before doing the change. What do you do with the poo? We dump it in the toilet now, but back when she was just eating breastmilk we did nothing as it just broken down in the wash. We wash the nappies every third day, and it takes me about 20 minutes to sort out the nappies and put a pile upstairs and downstairs. Some nappies take more work to prep, some take no work. It all depends on what you buy! Weekly, I think it adds about an hour of extra work total. Just an hour! Over a whole week! Also, when I changed to cloth nappies I stopped having blowouts completely - no more up-the-back poo. That, in itself, was worth it. And it's not like I'm sitting in a river washing them by hand, my washing machine does all the heavy lifting.

Super cute Rumparooz come in bright, fun colors

Some say cloth nappies are not eco-friendly because you have to use a washer and dryer and lots of water. We have a HE washer and dryer, and it's just an extra 2 to 3 loads a week. Most days we're doing 2-3 loads anyways, so adding one extra load in every couple of days is not comparable to the mountain of disposable nappies that would be left behind. You could also just hang the nappies to dry to save even more energy, especially if you live in a warm location.

E helping fold the nappies

Also, we don't use cloth nappies overnight. We tried for a few weeks using every combination but without fail Ellie would leak through the nappy or wake up screaming to be changed as she doesn't like being wet. At that time she was sleeping in our bed so our sheets were constantly being washed and her sleep was already the pits. I didn't need more reasons to be sleep deprived! We tried again when she moved to her own cot, but by then she was sleeping in the most ridiculous positions and the wee would always find a way out (usually out the top front and down her chest!). We're resigned to one disposable nappy a day and it works for us. Maybe someday we'll try again with a new combination and see what happens. You've just got to do what works for you!

The same goes for trips and travel. We don't bring our cloth nappies and then spend our holiday trying to find a laundromat to wash them. We could buy disposable inserts for the Flip nappy system, but we'd still have to wash the covers so we just go with disposables. It works for the week or so we're away and we don't feel guilty.

If you're using cloth nappies, you might as well use cloth wipes too - save even more money! You're already doing the washing so you won't even notice the extra 20 wipes stuck in there. We use just pieces of flannel sprayed with a bottle of soap & oil (we use wipe juice but you can make your own if you have oodles of free time) and water and it works perfectly. Out and about we have a small travel spray bottle and a stash of nappies and wipes as well as a wet bag to stuff everything in to. You do have to carry the dirty nappy with you until you go home, but it's in the bag so I never notice.

 

I love that cloth nappies come in a range of colors and patterns. We bought them

secondhand so had less of a choice, but still cuter than a disposable

Okay, now that we've talked about nappies, what about everything else? I knew from the beginning I was going to avoid buying anything new for E whenever possible. She was going to grow so quickly and it's not like she'd remember! Except for the very occasional gift, dress or outfit I need specifically for an something, everything she wears and plays with has been used preloved. I've found going to second hand markets (in Edinburgh we go to the Jack and Jill sales and Mum2Mum market) to get the best deals. Mums seem to be desperate to get rid of their piles of things, and you can usually find several stalls selling pyjamas, onesies, tops, trousers and dresses for well under £1 each. I got two full bags of clothes for £10 to cover the 0-6 month range! I'm glad I didn't spend the big bucks, as she grew out of many of the clothes almost immediately, and many more she couldn't wear because of the harness. Another great way to go about it is to use online second-hand markets. Here in the U.K. I use Gumtree, where people will sell a huge bag of clothes covering a certain age range for a pittance. Try charity shops and second hand markets for books, games and toys too. Not only does this save money, but it saves new toys being made. Then, when you're finished, pass them on or resell them if you can to reduce the amount of waste going in the landfill and increase the money in your pockets.

150 books plus toys and games and puzzles and clothes  - all second hand for £40!

Unfortunately, some things they really recommend you buying new are the most expensive. The carseat and base and cot (or crib) are two of them. These are big ticket items, but at least you will most likely be using them very often and for several years so at least you'll get your money's worth. Occasionally I need something and just can't seem to find it used. This was the case with our stair gates and after months of searching and checking and umm-ing and ahh-ing, I just bought a few new ones. These are for safety, after all, and will be used for years. Most things, however, have only been used a few month and someone is selling them!

What are your tricks for saving money and the planet? Have you found other ways to be eco-friendly with a child?

Have Baby, Will Travel

When I first found out I was expecting little Wriggles, I was sure my wanderlust would take a vacation. Everyone says how terrible and stressful traveling with a baby is and that it should just be avoided until they are 10 or possibly older. Unfortunately for me, I don't have that luxury. My family lives far, far away and if I want Eleanor to meet any of them we have to travel. And not the easy two-hours-in-the-car kind of travel. It's the 18+ hour-travel-day-with-two-flights-and-a-connection-in-Heathrow kind of travel. I took the advice from my cousin Jami and just decided the heck with it. I was going to Chicago to see my grandma! How bad could it be?

Then after that trip to Chicago when Ellie was 4 moths old (which I did by myself!) I figured everything else would be small potatoes in comparison. I've got the flying and travel down to an art, so I thought I'd share what I can for all you other traveling mummies out there. Now of course, your travel experience will depend on your child (or children), their temperaments, how old they are, how long the trip is, your destination, how you like to travel, etc. but I hope you find something here that helps. If you're not interested in trip lengths or destination, scroll to the bottom for my general words of advice.

Trip: Bristol
Age: 4 months
Travel Time: 3.5 hours

Comments: We took a quick trip to Bristol for Paul's work and for Ellie and I to visit friends. It was our first flight so we booked Ellie a seat (see tips at bottom of post). Paul was in a different aisle but was able to switch easily enough. The flight was quick and uneventful, although the packing was quite stressful. The best tip I got was to walk from room to room and pack everything you use everyday. I then assembled one outfit a day for Ellie, rolled it together, and then placed 2 outfits in a ziplock bag. This made my suitcase organized and everything easy to find.

Important Gear: Ergo carrier, ring sling, 2 pacifiers, links, shaker toy, mom's water bottle

Challenges: This was by far the easiest flight, although the trip back Ellie had sobbed in the taxi for the full hour to the airport. I fed her as soon as we arrived and calmed her down in the Ergo, just managing to get her to sleep. Of course as we went through security they forced me to take her out... which woke her up... and set her off crying again... oh well!

Trip: Chicago
Age: 4 months
Travel Time: 13.5 hours

Comments: This age was by far been the easiest for me, despite flying on my own. Ellie napped ALL the time, and only wanted to be held or in the carrier. I watched 3 movies, put my feet up, ate lunch on the plane and thought to myself - this isn't so hard! I fed her on takeoff and landing and she didn't cry once during the flight. She did, however, throw a total fit while we were waiting on the tarmac (for an hour!) when she was starving and I refused to feed her because I needed her to be eating when taking off.

Me watching a film while E napped in the sling 

On the return trip were upgraded to business about an hour after takeoff because they had forgotten to pack her bassinet. Again, she slept the whole way and I loved getting all the extra space. Breastfeeding made travel easier as there were no snacks to pack and no formula to bring. People were incredibly kind and helpful as were the staff on my British Airways flight.

Oh no.. stuck in lay flat beds in business!

Important Gear: my Ergo carrier, my ring sling, 2 pacifiers, a backpack as a diaper bag, and a teething necklace. I had a selection of her favorite toys and books, but in all honesty she was completely overwhelmed by all the people and hubbub of the plane. I made sure my phone and iPad were fully charged, with my earbuds in easy reach. On the way there she had a poonami and I needed a full set of new clothes for her. Having all her usual 'night time' items like pajamas, sleep sack, brush, teddy and books helped her get to bed easily for the red eye on the way home.

Challenges: Babies of this age need a lot of stuff, and they can also be unpredictable. I was lucky in that I was breastfeeding so I didn't bring any bottles, but I still needed diapers and wipes, a place for Ellie to sleep and a stroller. Also, with a 7 hour time difference we dealt with jet lag for a good few days. I was exhausted and so was she! Luckily we were co-sleeping and she didn't roll, so I didn't need to bring her a travel cot yet.

Chilling in Heathrow BA Lounge 

Trip: Los Angeles
Age: 5 months
Travel Time: 17 hours

Comments: Our trip out to LA was exhausting but fine overall. Ellie was still napping frequently, but the trouble came when she wanted to sleep and couldn't because of the bright lights and loud people. It was slightly easier with two people, so we could trade off when one of us was tired. The return flight (a red-eye) was especially challenging as she wouldn't settle in the bassinet we had booked. I ended up with her in the sling and waking every 45 minutes. I was beyond exhausted when we arrived home!

Important Gear: the Ergo, my ring sling, lots of books, a selection of toys, a spare change of clothes, nursing cover, teething necklace, iPhones (used to make shadow puppets as a last-resort distraction!)

Challenges: At this age Ellie was more alert and needed stimulation. We found it difficult to bring enough toys and activities to keep her interested for an entire flight. Also, the return flight was a red-eye and it took ages for the lights to be turned down. Ellie was incredibly cranky and exhausted but couldn't sleep. If possible, book flights to coincide with sleep times! Our first flight was delayed so we ended up stuck in Heathrow for 5 hours. Luckily we qualified for the lounge so we spent the time in there, even getting Ellie to take another nap so all in all it wasn't too bad.

Trip: France/Switzerland
Age: 7 months
Travel time: 5 hours

Comments: While Edinburgh to Geneva is a relatively short flight (2 hours), don't forget to factor in the time to get to the airport, check in your bags, and then the travel on the other side. Even the closest destinations can take hours! Once again I carried Ellie in the Ergo through security with only a backpack - the best way to go! We had kind people on our flight, and it was otherwise uneventful.

Important Gear: my Ergo, my ring sling, a teething necklace, Ellie's three favorite books, wipes, nappy change (of course she waited for the plane to take off to need a change!), snacks for Ellie and me

Challenges: As Ellie was still not crawling, she was happy to sit on my lap and play. The fights were short and the fellow passengers friendly. On our trip back, the airline did not preboard people with infants. By the time I got on the flight, Ellie was asleep and I had difficulty finding a place to put my bag. Usually I put it under the seat in front of me, but this time the feet of the seats were in a funny position and it was half the size as usual. I asked a flight attendant to help me find a place for my bag, as I had a sleeping infant on me, and she disappeared with it. A few minutes later she came back and told me she had put my bag in the hold, with everything for Ellie. And I mean EVERYTHING. All I had was my carrier and my teething necklace. The good news is we survived the flight with nothing, but it wasn't ideal.

Trip: Falmouth
Age: 11 months
Travel Time: 4.5 hours there, 7 hours back

Comments: This "quick trip" was to see my cousin, David, performing in a Sea Shanty festival. I thought what the heck, Falmouth isn't that far away! The way there was easy and fit well into Eleanor's napping schedule. The way back was much much longer with a connection in Birmingham and dinner on the road. We didn't arrive in Edinburgh until 8pm at which point Ellie was placed in her carseat for the drive home and she promptly fell asleep and stayed asleep until morning. This trip I tried bringing my travel stroller with me through security, and though it helped in Edinburgh (I put the diaper bag in it and pushed it, saving my back while Eleanor slept on me), it was a pain when I had to fold it down and put it in its travel bag - not sure it was worth it. Next time I might check it all the way through!

Important Gear: Ergo carrier, ring sling, 10 favorite books, bubbles, finger puppets, musical instruments, wipes, nappies, eating gear (pocket bib, long sleeve bib, spoon, drop cloth, snacks, water bottle)

Challenges: A mobile baby who eats and sleeps on a regular schedule is much harder to move around. She was desperate to be on the ground crawling but most airports and airplanes are not made for babies. Edinburgh has two soft play areas, and Birmingham luckily had a kids zone. Falmouth had nothing so we found the one high chair in the one cafe and got her snacks out as a distraction before letting her "cruise" down a row of chairs in the waiting area. Falmouth airport forced me to take Ellie out of the carrier even though she was sleeping (this has only happened once before in Bristol) and this woke her up making me one grumpy mama.

Carry On Packing List
While this has changed slightly as Ellie gets older with the addition of bibs, spoons, and snacks, most of it has stayed the same. I hope it helps you pack too!

• 2x as many diapers as I think I need (for example on the way to LA we took 20! You never know when you might miss a connection and spend 24 hours somewhere unexpected) 
• Wipes (full pack) 
• Changing pad 
• 1 change of clothes for Ellie 
• 1 change of clothes for mom (leggings and tank top) 
• Cardigan for mom and E 
• Bibs (long sleeve and pocket) 
• Spoon 
• Cup
• Snacks for E and me 
• 1 blanket (I use Aden + Anais swaddle blanket as they are thin but huge) 
• 1 burp cloth/spare bib (Aden +Anais again) 
• Nursing cover 
• Bassinet cover (if booking a bassinet on an overnight flight - we used SnoozeShade) 
• Small, foldable grocery bag (or two) 
• Kleenex 
• 8 favorite books 
• Small, light favorite toys 
• Calpol + syringe 
• Lovey 
• Pacificer + clips (x3) 
• Ring sling (love my Oscha sling!)
• Ergo carrier 
• Headphones 
• iPhone charger 
• Passports 
• iPad 
• Phone 
• Spare teething necklace 
• Water bottle for mum 

Travel Tips

Travel bags
For my carry on, I used a big backpack by Cabin Max that opened completely, and then packed everything in packing cubes so it kept all the small things organized. Still, be prepared for chaos! You will inevitably pack the thing you need at the bottom and you will have to pull everything out which leads me to my next tip...

Bring a small, foldable, reusable grocery bag, so when everything doesn't quite fit in your backpack, you can just dump whatever is left into the bag. Trying to expertly repack your carryon at the end of the trip is more stress than you need!

Carry on (left) and grocery bag (right)

Ask for help!

When you are traveling with an infant on lap, it pays to smile and ask for extra help. When you check in your bags, if possible, ask if the flight is full. If it isn't ask if it's possible to change your seats to be near the spare seat. If they can't move you because the empty seat is in an emergency exit row, ask if you could try asking someone in your row to move there. Most people are more than happy to move away from a baby. In all of the 15 flights, only 4 of them required me to have Eleanor on my lap. Even if you will be holding your tiny baby, it helps just having the extra space for elbows and baby toys and all the other things you bring along.

If you get to board the flight first, try to get the things you'll need for takeoff in the seat pocket in front of you, and be sure you've got a pacifier (if you use one) in case your baby refuses to eat/nurse. If you don't get priority boarding, try to put everything you need in the small grocery bag, then hope for space for your big bag in the overhead compartment. If someone offers to help you, say YES and THANK YOU! Normally I don't like people helping me, but with a baby you should always accept it.

Nervous about crying? The best advice ever ...

This is a big one for most parents - what if I have that baby that cries the whole flight? When you get on a flight, take a good look around at all the people and then remember two things. First, all of these people have been babies and cried at one point and many of them probably have children (and maybe grandchildren!) of their own.

Second, and this is the best advice I ever heard: Look around at everyone on your flight and just tell yourself YOU WILL NEVER SEE THESE PEOPLE AGAIN. So it might be stressful while your baby is crying but you can only do your best. If your baby is uncomfortable or in pain or scared or exhausted and you're doing everything you can, then ignore the plane. In 12+ hours you'll never see them again!

What's that smell?

On a short flight, try to put your baby in a fresh diaper just before the flight. But sometimes even the best preparation doesn't help and you just need to change your baby. I've found changing tables small but manageable on most flights (BA and Easyjet) and NO changing table at all on FlyBe. This meant I was changing Ellie on the floor in the back of the plane desperately trying to keep her from touching the grimy floor. I've also changed her on... the spare seat next to me (with Paul as my other seat mate and with a changing mat under her), the flat surface where the bassinet usually sits, and on my lap. You get pretty good at on the go changes when you need to!

Popping little ears...

You know to nurse or feed your baby on takeoff, but one important little tip someone passed on to me was to be sure not to start feeding your little one until the plane has actually taken off. If you are just taxiing, they might finish eating before you even leave the ground! This also means arranging feeding times around take off and landing. If it's a short flight and you don't have a milk guzzler, you might need another way to get them to swallow. I insist the pacifier is in Ellie's mouth if she won't eat. I just keep popping it in even when she spits it out as it helps her swallow. If you're breastfeeding, I'd suggest a discreet shirt, like the one below (peekabo top), as space might be limited. I also used a nursing cover to catch the shooting milk if she unlatched to look around as she was likely to do in a busy, exciting place. On the flight to Chicago I didn't use one and didn't notice she had unlatched and accidentally hit the man's sleeve on the armrest next to me with a little milk. I managed to rub it off with my elbow before he noticed... Oops...

Buy an extra seat?

The first time I went to book a flight for Eleanor and I to travel, we were flying to Bristol via EasyJet. My seat was £25 one way, and I had to pay £20 for Ellie to sit on my lap! I checked the "child" fare instead, which is a fraction of the adult fare, and that only cost me £5! The lesson here is, it pays to check whether paying the child fare is worth it. In this case it was cheaper for her to have her own seat that it would have been to have her on my lap. With the extra seat came extra space, which was so worth it. I've booked Ellie her own seat on several flights she's taken and it's always been worth it. I've bought Ellie her own seat for our Christmas flights this year, as she'll be 18 months old and I'm not keen on a wriggly toddler on my lap for 13 hours.

If you're on a long haul flight you can often book a bassinet for around 10% of the adult fare (this depends on the airline). What you get when you're on the flight depends on the size of your baby, so be sure to check the website. You'll most likely have to call the airline to book the flight, but they will also put you in a bulkhead seat where the bassinets are placed, which means more space (even if you don't use the bassinet!)

 

Bassinet on BA flights for babies under 60cm, bouncer seat on right for larger babies.

That's all I've got... for now! We have several more trips coming up, including a cruise, so I'll add on here as I go to help you other traveling mummies. I hope you found something helpful!

A post about interesting and exciting things!

Before little Wriggles arrived, I made a promise to myself that Handstands would not become a blog only about babies and parenting. I would think and write about other things! Interesting thing! I would not lose myself or my writing!

I can see all you parents out there laughing and shaking your heads. I put my hands up and admit that everything I have to say and everything I think about is influenced by my baby girl. My daily conversations are generally with other parents, complaining about sleep (or lack thereof), teething, cajoling our babies to eat, naps, losing the baby weight, eating cake, juggling parental responsibilities, childcare, starting work again etc. etc. During the day I use my brainpower to think ahead and plan the next feed, next nap, next change. Then interacting with Ellie, talking to her, pointing, reading, playing, singing and helping develop this perfect little person.

When Paul and I get a moment to chat sans-baby, we usually end up talking about Ellie. Or sitting around looking at pictures and videos of her. Sometimes we try to make normal, adult conversation but those are rare times. The tiny moments of me time I sometimes manage to find at the end of a long day are often filled with something easy and mindless. The day has left me exhausted and I want nothing more than to curl up in a small ball, drink a glass of wine and then go to bed early in hopes of catching a few zzzz's before Ellie wakes up again. Gone are the relaxing days of sitting in the back yard on a sun lounger reading Time and Discover and Readers Digest and devouring novel after novel. The only reason I "read" anything is that I use audiobooks while I feed Ellie or take her on walks. No longer can I pop to the gym whenever I see a class that interests me. Everything is planned around Ellie - that's parent life!

So now, instead of fighting against it, I'm just going to embrace it. My life is controlled by an adorable little dictator who demands my attention and tells me what to do every moment of the day. Even when she is asleep, I am constantly on edge waiting for her to wake up. Of course my whole world is wrapped around her, that's what happens when you have kids. I know that she will keep growing up and although I'll never be less involved, children do generally make less demands on your time as they get older and more independent. I know these first years are precious and short and already flying by too quickly. So instead of trying to think of something interesting or clever to write about, I'm going to try to just write about my life, as boring as that might be to many readers without children. Sorry in advance - you've been warned!

Truths of Parenting

I realize it's been a while since I've done any writing, and as usual it's on the list to keep up with my blog. Every weekend I think I'll have time and then the time magically vanishes! Today I did manage to organize and pack away all of the clothes that were too small for Eleanor (sob!) and vacuum the house. That seemed like enough productivity for one day, but then I also managed to make dinner! And keep a baby alive! Gold stars all around.

In all seriousness, however, I do miss writing. It helps me process my life and the world around me and also serves as a great way to look back on the past and remember all the crazy/beautiful/happy/wonderful things that I've experienced. And this past 6 months have been some of the most wondrous of all. Not to make excuses, but I've got a terrible sleeper on my hands which means at any moment I might need to run up stairs to calm her down, feed her, and try to get her back in her bed without her waking up and flipping out. It's 22:05 and I'm expecting her to wake up any minute, so we'll see what I manage to write!

In my last post about Eleanor and motherhood I was in complete awe of everything. I was also desperate for my little girl to stay little and to grow slowly. I followed all the advice of soaking it in and enjoying all the small moments (oh no, she's moving! Now crying! got to go...)

So I've grabbed the little monster from her crib and I'm feeding her lying down whilst also typing one handed on my phone. This, I feel, most accurately sums up my life at present. Plus I make tons of typos as my left hand thumb is none too accurate. And my brain is basically mush, so there's that too. 

Since our last update little Eleanor and I have traveled to Bristol and back, Chicago and back, Los Angeles and back, and France/Switzerland and back. She is a super traveler and a generally all around happy baby. 

 

 

California holiday - Christmas, beach and sun!

After cross-country skiing in Switzerland

I can't believe it's been over eight months since Eleanor was born. She has changed so much and is now so intensely interested in her surroundings. Where before she would get bored of whatever she was playing with in minutes and need attention, now she can play on her own for over an hour and she is so dang happy and smiley while doing it! She crawls around, pulls things down, destroys the house and has a terrific time. Part of me loves watching her grow and change and become this whole new person, and the other part of me mourns the loss of my newborn and her tiny fists and tiny, curled up body.

I've learned a few things about motherhood that these past few months, many of which I'm sure veteran mothers wouldn't find surprising at all:

1. It can be soooo boring, like rocking a baby to sleep that just won't go to sleep and you're out of songs and your arms ache and go to sleep gosh darn it! I've been rocking you half an hour and I need to eat dinner! I used to be cool and do things and now all I do is rock you!
2. Your brain turns to mush. I can't seem to remember anything, learn anything new, or function much past keeping everyone alive. And even in the middle of an adult conversation half my brain is checking on the baby, just to be sure she's okay (even when she's fast asleep 😴). I walk into rooms and can't remember why. I make plans with people and promptly forget them. I check my planner multiple times a day to be sure I'm not missing anything because my brain sure isn't remembering it!
3. Your baby is the cutest baby in the whole wide world - every other baby is okay but wow is yours gorgeous! I'm pretty biased here, but everyone loves to confirm my suspicions. (Done feeding, ninja rolled off the bed, now finishing typing before she wakes up!)
4. There's always something wrong with them - jaundice, blocked tear ducts, bad sleep habits, overtired, overstimulated, stuffy nose, teething, runny nose, cough... seriously the list never ends. You get through one thing and a new one arrives. The worst is that they can't tell you what's wrong so they just cry and you try 3,127 things hoping something will work so you can get some dang sleep before they wake up again for another feed! So you just have to keep muddling through until someday they're 18 and moving out (only joking?).
5. You've got 632 things to do around the house, all of which could be done in an hour which are made a million times harder when done one handed with a meddling baby. Gone are the days I could trap her in a carrier. Her little inquisitive hands try to hold and eat everything and she'll settle for my hair if she has to. Ouch. 
6. Life is so unpredictable. Because of previously explained 102 problems with babies, life can change drastically from one day to another. Today I may have a super happy giggly girl and tomorrow a grumpy gills who refuses to nap. I might get 3 hours of sleep tonight and I might get 8 hours tomorrow (yeah right, that's wishful thinking). It definitely keeps you on your toes, and I've only got one kiddo!
7. You don't have much 'you' time. Running? Showering? Two hour yoga sessions? Ha. Hahahahaha. I used to wonder why mums didn't have time to shower and now I'm that unshowered mum. It's only 10 minutes, right? But somehow it seems impossible to find 10 minutes in the day when there is so much else to do, like letting your precious lady sleep in your arms for 2 hours or play peekaboo or watch your cutie eat spaghetti bolognese for the first time and then consoling her as she cries and you scrub it off her hands, face, ears, hair, toes, seat, tray, floor, etc.
8. Everyone is right - you love them so much it feels like your heart might burst. Every smile and laugh and wave and babble and nuzzle and cuddle makes the sleep-deprivation-brain-mush so so worth it.

I am such a lucky mum to get a year of maternity leave to spend with my girl. I hope I remember these golden days and keep trying to slow it down and take it all in. The days (and sometimes hours) are long but the years are short and she'll be grown in the blink of an eye.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hip Dysplasia and the Pavlik Harness: Information and Help

From the moment Eleanor was placed in her Pavlik harness to correct her hip dysplasia my world turned upside down.

Those neat, lovely piles of pre-washes clothes I so carefully folded? Tucked away in hopes she'll still fit in something when she is out of her harness. I can't bear to see them everyday so they are better out of sight and out of mind.

The cosy, lovely infant car seat / bassinet / travel system we picked out? She no longer fits in either piece and screams bloody murder when wedged in.

Our lovely, easy, calm, connected breastfeeding experience? Completely broken with weight-gain struggles and positioning problems at every turn.

The baby massage and swimming classes we signed up for? All cancelled or delayed until she can actually participate.

While things are not what I expected them to look like when I was baby-dreaming whilst pregnant (when are they ever?), they are what they are. I have scoured the internet for help and information and tips, but none of the websites I found had all of the useful information I needed. I found a support group online that was brilliant and helped me through my questions and concerns or just when I needed some reassurance. I thought it might be useful to put everything I had found and learned into one place for mums in the future.

Clothing:

Most of the clothes I had so carefully bought (or received as presents) did not fit over Eleanor's harness. Instead we found the following very useful:

Stretchy dresses, or empire waist dresses, sometimes one size up (sometimes her size), generally fit. They have to flare out enough to not put pressure on the harness. Underneath the dresses she wore onesies, her size but with a onesie extender added on.

 

Big dresses!

Onesie extenders (also known as vest extenders) worked wonders

We bought or were given clothes from two companies:

Silver Lining based in Australia - not cheap, but gorgeous, lovely clothes - especially the trousers that saw a lot of use as the weather got cooler!

Hip-pose - based in the UK and affordable we bought several jammies and onesies that we loved. It was so wonderful to see Eleanor so comfortable, especially at night!

There are many other websites out there but I found them either too expensive or their variety lacking. I also went to a second hand clothes sale and scoured the stalls looking specifically for clothes that were cheap and would fit. I was surprised by how many adorable and useful dresses I found!

 

Bodysuits from Hip-pose

 

The onesie and harem pants that fit over the harness from Silver Lining

Car Seat/Transport

We had originally purchased and IziGo BeSafe infant carseat, but within weeks realized we needed something different. There are two options in the UK for seats, but only one I found affordable. 

MaxiCosi has a terrific program where they rent you a hip-friendly carseat for up to 6 months for 100 quid, 50 of which is returnable when you give back the seat - and it's FREE if you already own a MaxiCosi seat! It is the MaxiCosi Opal HD seat, and we are so grateful Eleanor no longer screams when she is sat in the seat - she can spread out and is so much more comfortable! As of September 2016, this was the number to call to get the form to fill out: 012 8441 314. You also need a note from your doctor to prove your baby has hip dysplasia (my ortho consult wrote one up in a day!). Start to finish it took 6 days to get the seat - really terrific service in my book. 

Elenaor in her MaxiCosi Opal HD seat - so much more room!

Eleanor still doesn't fit in the bassinet and is too small for the normal seat, so instead, I'm baby wearing! We have an ErgoBaby 360 and a ring sling, and she spends a lot of time attached to me. Both are hip friendly and if she's happy I'm happy.

 

Breastfeeding:

This is one that I really struggled with, as after she was placed in the harness she didn't gain weight for two weeks. That made me one stressed out mama! With the help of women on my support site, I learned several new positions and ignored some of the usual breastfeeding advice.

The four positions that worked best for us are:

1) Sitting upright, baby straddling my knee

2) Sitting upright, baby held diagonally across my body one arm supporting the head, the other between the legs

3) Mum reclined, baby diagonal or laying tummy to tummy  (also called biological breastfeeding)

4) Baby on her back and turning her head, mum on her side (used at night!)

It was a tough slog to get back to where she didn't scream at me every time she ate - I was uncomfortable, she was uncomfortable, and we both missed the lovely, easy days where she'd eat for half an hour then fall asleep nursing. Since the harness, she never does that and I miss it but I'm grateful she's at least eating well now. 

Other Tips:

We found that it was easies to flip Ellie over each time we did a diaper change to thread the tabs through the harness. This led to LOTS of tummy time, which means our little one is already a pro!

 

Every night Eleanor got a washcloth bath and a nappy rash cream (we used Bepanthen as recommended by our ortho) between the hips and under the knees to protect the delicate skin. 

Some people recommend socks on the shoulder straps to protect baby's skin. We had the harness on 24/7 so nothing could go under it. This meant her clothes always protected her from the straps.

Our ortho was lovely and attached soft, fleecy wraps around the harsh straps over Eleanor's knees and backs of her legs. This prevented any type of rubbing rash.

Fleece on the straps!

The first 2 days (and for us, 2 weeks!) are the WORST and then it really does get better. Ellie still has panicked moments where she tries to kick her legs and can't, but is coping brilliantly for the most part!

Life and everything else:

Part of watching your baby undergo treatment for anything is just to put on a brave face. I had to cancel classes, mourn the loss of her little adorable chubby legs and tiny toes for weeks on end, and do without sweet bath time and fluffy baby hair. It's not the end of the world, and it could be worse, but none of those thoughts ever helped me. Instead, I dressed her in big dresses, took pictures of her sweet face and just got on with it. We couldn't change our situation and we just have to reach the end of treatment. For us, the four week ultrasound checkup was such a highlight, as we were told her left hip is completely acceptable angles, and the right hip (which was fully dislocated at the start) is improving. In two more weeks we have another check and we are hoping with everything we have to be harness free. I miss the soft cuddles and kicking legs of my newborn, and I am desperate to get them back. Until then, I hope these thoughts help a few other mamas out there struggling with their sweet babies in their harnesses